I have a ritual in my house. Everytime I want to use milk, I open the refrigerator, open the milk, smell it and make sure it isn't sour. What's worse than soured milk? Soured relationships. How do relationships spoil?

Unfulfilled Expectations When people don't behave like we think they should we can get angry, frustrated, disillusioned, hurt, and bitter. It doesn't matter whether they are an associate, an acquaintance, a customer, a client, a close friend or a family member - when we have expectations of someone and they act in ways contrary to what we expect we get upset. But think about that for a moment. Who appointed you the judge of someone else's actions? Just because your expectations weren't met, does that mean the other person let you down? Perhaps it's your expectations that should be adjusted, not the other person's behavior. If you set yourself up to be the arbiter of other people's actions - and motives - your ability to deal with and relate to people will continually diminish, and so will your success!

Unresolved Conflict Relationships can survive conflict - but not unresolved conflict. Lacking finality, the conflict will deepen. We will try to avoid the person; we'll invent elaborate stories that justify us in the dispute; and we'll gather people to be on "our side." What was once a working relationship between two people has now become a battleground between two warriors - and people get hurt, suffering wounds that might never heal. Enemies may be subdued, and your point proven, but you've lost a relationship. In the end, nobody wins.

Unintentional Indifference We can be so busy doing the work that we miss the most important part of our lives - people. What good does it do to count inventory and ignore customers? How successful are you if you work eighty hours a week, but never see your son play ball? Is it an accomplishment to achieve your goals when you can't name two close friends? Unintentionally, our indifference has soured our relationships.

What do you do? Do you throw out those sour relationships? I say no! Unlike milk that has a limited shelf life; relationships don't have an expiration date. If they start to sour, you can sweeten them up again; and it's not as difficult as you think. If a relationship is on the decline, be intentional in restoring it - initiate contact, pick up the phone, make the call, set a date, send a note. Engage them in conversation, discover something new about them, and intentionally deepen the foundation of your relationship. Whether your connection is as casual as clients or as intimate as lovers, relationships that endure - and mature - must be cultivated. Success depends on your relationships. Don't spoil them!

When I was probing a client on what made his business special, he replied, "Actually, I'm just like everyone else. What's wrong with that? I'll just be another burger place."
With a "me too" presentation and no distinctiveness, your firm becomes harder to remember, harder to recommend and difficult to market in a focused way. Why create such challenges deliberately? Instead, select something appealing for customers around which to create your identity. Possibilities are endless.

Your key differentiator might be: When you're just another burger place, you're a replaceable commodity, enduring mediocre sales and having to fight for new and repeat business. With a distinct identity, there's a compelling reason for your ideal clients to hire you rather than your competitors.

• Personality (humorous, friendly, frank, drill- sergeant)
• Values (respect for tradition, pet-friendly, honesty )
• Specialization (burgers for meat lovers or for dieters)
• Relationship (constant contact, distant but on- call)
• Method of working (speedy, methodical, creative)
• Experience (first in Philadelphia, in business since 1886)

Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job at hand.